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Law Offices of Benita Ventresca408-395-8822
20 S. Santa Cruz Ave., Suite 212, Los Gatos, CA 95030
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Mediation and Litigation

How to Get Your Spouse to Agree to Mediation

Posted on in Mediation

California divorce lawyer, California mediation attorneyThe dissolution of a marriage is a stressful process for a family. While mediation is supposed to ease some of the difficulties associated with divorce litigation in court, sometimes getting both spouses to agree to mediation can present its own issues.

Deciding to use mediation is one of the first of many decisions you and your estranged spouse will have to make, so it is no wonder that it presents a stumbling block for many couples. If you believe that mediation is a good fit, but your spouse is not as sure, there are several things you can do.

Get to the Root of the Problem

Sometimes it is the case that the spouse against mediation does not want to get divorced at all. It does not matter to him or her if the divorce proceedings take place with a mediator or with a judge - this spouse will oppose any steps forward to accomplish the divorce.

If this is the case, you may wish to give the situation a little more time or attend counseling sessions together. These options can help your spouse understand and accept what is happening.

If your spouse is actually opposed to mediation, one of the best things you can do is to educate him or her on the process. Even sending articles on mediation from respected sources like the American Bar Association for your spouse to read alone can help educate.

Discuss the Benefits of Mediation

If you are able to have a discussion about why you want to use mediation, focus on common ground benefits, including:

  • It can be cheaper than going to court numerous time with attorneys. The cost of divorce mediation is typically 40 to 60 percent lower than divorce litigation;
  • The children of the marriage may benefit in two ways. First, a court will not impose restrictions that both parties know will not work for their children. Also, the children may benefit from seeing their parents working together; and
  • It can take less time than meeting with lawyers and then heading to court.

Consult with a Mediator

Another thing you can do if you have a reluctant spouse is to meet with a mediator for a consultation. Typically, consultations are free.

A consultation will allow the spouses and the mediator determine if mediation is appropriate and if the mediator’s style and personality fit with the couple’s. A consultation can also help ease initial concerns or answer preliminary questions.

If you are interested in mediation in Los Gatos and the surrounding area, contact the San Jose mediation attorney at the Ventresca Law Firm today at 408-395-8822 to set up your appointment.



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20 S. Santa Cruz Ave., Suite 212
Los Gatos, CA 95030

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Conveniently located in downtown los gatos and
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